LIFE

This thing called life is sooooooooo puzzling, one day you are so full of it and the next it’s all gone and you’re left cold and lifeless.

Last week I was informed that a not so close but could be potentially close cousin of mine died. I was so confused because he seemed so full of life. It’s too late for me to wish we got closer, but I am glad at least that I met him and we formed some sort of relationship.

I still don’t have details surrounding his death, because I went blank when my parents called me to tell me of his death. I was in shock and all I could see was his face, in fact December 07 he was at our family xmas party and I recall my older sister asking who the cute guy was, I laughed and told her he was our cousin from dad’s side. She hadn’t met him before that day because she lives outside the country and I guess I knew him better because he is just a couple of years older than me and we are both lawyers. Actually I met him when he was doing his bar exams in law school and I was just about to start Bar 1, he was so friendly and nice and we became friends.

We spoke and saw sporadically and then he moved to the UK after a couple of years, it just occurred to me I don’t remember what for, probably for his masters. I didn’t see him again for some time and then one day I bumped into him at Heathrow when I went to London on holiday, he was picking someone up and then we exchanged fone nos.

I guess I didn’t hear from him regularly again till I started using facebook, he was always on point. Mailing ever so frequently, comments on my fotos, I especially remember one comment he made on my pic saying “cuz vanity”!!! And then at the Xmas party 07 he sat with me and M.P and another friend, and he kept smiling that he knew M.P frm ISI. Last year my bday was on a sat, he called me on Friday to say he’s calling to be the 1st to wish me a happy bday and that he wld call bk 2moro. I was so touched by his kindness.

And then being me, when I went to the UK in Jan, I kept promising him I would call, cos he had insisted that he wouldn’t call me unless I made the 1st move this time. I’m sad to say I never made that call because I was really busy stocking up products for my bizness. Which takes me back to this thing called life!!!!? Why do we take it too serious chasing earthly and material things.

Sadly his bday would have been 2moro, he never lived to see the day!!!! Everyday I visit his facebook profile page and I read the various messages left by his friends. He touched so many lives. I pray I have the strength to write on his wall tomorrow, there is such finality to doing that, its like accepting that he is gone for good.

I wish his immediate and entire family and those closest to him, the strength to bear this loss.

I wish I had made more effort to develop a closer relationship with him. However TD you shall be fondly remembered and I will never forget you my cute cousin!!!!

My Life Audit.

We sometimes feel there’s inevitability about the path we’ve taken, and the place we’re at in this stage of our lives. But to take control of your life and plan a future, it’s essential to examine how you got here.

I saw the heading in a magazine called Psychologies, February 2009 issue. I had been reading this mag for months without actually reading it in depth, so today I decided to take my life audit and see if it really makes sense.

My opinion of me – an unmarried 30 year old lady, desperately seeking and trying to reciprocate love. In the legal profession, went into the profession because I recognized early in life that I wanted a professional degree and not just any degree, I wanted to command respect however I am happy to just stay above average. At some point in my life I discovered I enjoyed writing, and then I discovered my passion for organizing projects and generally organizing people’s lives. I do not know yet where this my new found passion will lead me, but what I am sure of is that it better lead me some where fast or I will consider myself a failure. I set my personal goals and targets and I really berate myself when I fail to meet up to my own set standards.

To date I have the ff qualifications and work experience – LLB, LLM (EU Commercial Law), BL. Worked in a real estate company for a year, I found it very interesting and challenging as this was during the real estate boom that made the Lekki Ajah axis develop. I left this to get a bit of experience in the legal field; I worked in a law firm for about a year doing mostly company secretarial work and my major project was being part of a team that advised a foreign company on the concession of Nigerian ports in the mid 2000’s. I enjoyed the project because it kept me busy and proved to myself I could endure working long hours. Soon after I moved in banking (legal department), wow this was the fastest thing I ever had to do in my life, I really had to learn to multi task and learn new things in the shortest time possible. But I had one major problem, I didn’t get on with my female boss and the more popular I became in the bank the more she would put me down. So in the end I decided to leave because I wasn’t enjoying going to work to face a dragon every day. Next job was Legal Assistant to one a top shots in one of the biggest companies in the country, I lasted only three months in this job, but I learnt how to run and manage a business, hold meetings, watched how empires were built and generally had to draft legal agreements unsupervised. I had to learn to give opinions on things I knew little about and I had to be up to date on the day to day management of at least five companies and prepare reports. Now I’ve been working in my family owned law firm for almost three years, this took me back to basics, but thanks to the little experience I had picked up from my various jobs I was able to re brand the firm, I am still struggling with my passion for the law, it is too slow for me. We have had some major briefs and I have watched the firm grow. On the side I even started my own mini firm where I draft agreements and review agreements for people who cannot afford to pay our fees in the family firm, sometimes I even work for free just to keep busy especially when my personal life is going funny. Then sometime last year I started a gift hamper company, I was full of hope and it started off ok, but then the exchange rate problem is crippling my business, I am confused and at loss over what to do, thank God I still have my paid job if not I would be telling a different story all together.

Someone once said to me, improve yourself, make yourself competitive and be a value added rather than a liability. So I am going back to my mind drawing room to see how I can improve myself. The only thing I think I have no control over is my love life and that I have left to God.

So I took I took the first quiz “HOW DID I GET HERE” Here you are: the cumulation of the experiences you have had to this point. This quiz is designed to help you uncover the motivations and alibis that brought you here and the standards by which you judge your world.

I had mostly D ans and this is what my score says about me –“True to yourself, much of what you have attained is the unexpected consequence of doing what you love. With a tendency to seek out new challenges, uncharted territory and fresh opportunities to learn, you have been motivated to do things out of interest, enjoyment or simply for the sake of doing it. For you, the journey is more important than the destination. The fruit of your labour tended to serve as a bonus, not the objective. As a result, you are less likely to have experienced a divide between work and play. Key words for part 2 Authentic, Curious, and Vivacious.

This is as far as I got, now I know why I never completed my life audit, the process in the mag is so tedious and honestly I have too much on my plate to try and make sense of it. Any how what do you think of my own personal opinion and what the quiz says about how I got to this point. Does it make sense?? Should I complete the audit of just write it off as rubbish???

Well this is my update till the next time I can motivate myself to write.

P.S – I decided to jump to the last bit of the quiz out of curiosity “WHATS YOUR ATTITUDE”.

I had mostly b ans and this is what my attitude is – “You tend to feel content with the way things are. When making choices, you consider options until you find one that fits the bill and go with that. While “satisficers” tend to be objectively worse off in terms of achievement and status, they are also more often happy, optimistic and satisfied with life”

For the records I don’t agree a 100 percent with this last quiz result.

Ms. Moody Cow.

I really hate everything around me at certain times of the month!!! Yeah you guessed rite. I have really violent mood swings, my body hurts and i get really bad headaches. And then i become the drama queen from hell, i cry and cry and cry like i'm in a crying competition and then the self hate sets in, i look at my body and i cringe, i look at my swollen tummy and i wonder what it will look like when smethg is cooking in there.

Every part of me hurts today and i wonder why being a woman brings nothing but pain, pain from heart break, pain from becoming a woman and pain of child birth. Being a woman appears to be pain. My scalp is throbbing, my neck feels like its going to collapse as my head suddenly doubles in size or feels so. My back is (actually i don't know what that feels like yet, just getting sharp pains like i am in labour).

Ok i have to admit, i love the binging part, as i convince myself that the only way i can feel good about what i'm going through is to eat everything sweet i can lay my hand on. Rite now i feel like diving into a double chocolate cake with chocolate frosting topped with gummy bears. And then maybe pouring a gallon of chocolate ice cream on it would just be heaven!!!!

I admit i have indeed lost the plot, but if i concentrate on every throb i feel in my body i probably would do something drastic!!!! By the way is this normal???

Update

Hey guys, thanx for all your comments, sorry I cldn’t reply personally to some of the comments that came late, just wanted to move on from that post.

Ok, how do I start this?? I was very emotional and bitter when I wrote my last post; I guess it was just a way of making myself feel good that I could move on.

Well I’m not sure I have really moved on so to speak, M.P still calls to see if we can patch things up and we have met up a few times, I miss him a lot but I don’t have the energy to fight for our relationship anymore. And its sad cos this is happening at a time when he desperately wants to settle down, he even went as far as asking if we cld just put everything behind us and do our introduction asap!!! I’m not sure what’s happening to me, maybe I need deliverance cos this is the 2nd time a man wld ask me to do this and I never let it get beyond this stage, although both guys asked me to marry them so they wldn’t loose me!!! So my question is why is it so hard to find a man that won’t propose out of desperation, I just want a basic man meets woman, they fall in love and over dinner man proposes to woman and they live happily ever after.

Regarding MAA, wow, Its been fun, challenging and very scary!!! I am no longer rushing things, infact keeping it on the down low for now, I don’t wanna expose us to the whole world and then it doesn’t work out again, so he is not even meeting my friends till he probably proposes to me if we do get to that stage. He is not gonna meet my parents till I am extremely sure abt where we are going. I eventually met his mother, she is so adorable but I guess at his age its no biggie, I guess a mother cannot force a 45yr old man to marry just becos he brought her home so I’m not even going to take it serious. I’m just gonna concentrate on getting to know him and enjoying the relationship.

My 30th bday is coming up in a few months, seriously looking for ideas for my party. Thinking I should have a 90’s theme party, cos that was my rocking era (well when we started going to boy/girl party, then uni parties and clubbing!!!, I was young wild and free and thought I would stay a teenager for ever, I miss my youth and I want it back)….

What are your thoughts abt pregnancy before marriage, would you lot advise it??? Just curious?

Does this make me a bad person??

First of all let me wish you all a Happy New Year!!! I’m sooooooooo sorry for the long silence; too many things took up my time. Anyways I’m back now and I’m here to stay.

How do I even begin to update you guys, so much has happened since my last post. Let’s start with my new project. Sometime last year I decided to start a gift hamper business, I launched with the Xmas festive hampers, it was a success and then I did the valentine hampers which was great!! I can only thank God. So I guess I’m going to be doing hampers all year round.

I took a month long work vacation, I had so much fun. I call it a work vacation cos it was vacation from the firm and work to stock up on products for my Val hampers. Needless to say I came back exhausted but I’m smiling to the bank and I plan to take a proper vacation soon.

Ok something wonderful happened to me about three weeks ago!!! I met a fantastic man and I’m in love!!!! I guess you are wondering what I’m on abt?? Well take it as you hear it, yes Pink Lips is in love again…… It happened so fast and I sure wasn’t expecting it. Let me clarify things a bit more, well towards the end of last year things between myself and M.P just started going down hill, still we were reluctant to part ways. Anyways during my vacation I did a bit of thinking and analyzing and I think I kind of came to the conclusion that it was over, but I was too chicken to end it, so I would just change the subject when he talked about getting married, I was just so fed up but couldn’t bring myself to end it.

Anyways abt 3 Fridays ago we had our usual argument, and just to keep the peace he decided to go to a friend’s wedding and an aunt’s bday party with me. We did have fun at the wedding but by the time we got to my aunt’s bday he was drunk out of his mind. There were two other couple at the party when we got there, I guess the party had ended and it was just us late comers. Anyways I sat across the table from a slightly older man and next to his lady friend, he talked to M.P a lot and I was wondering why but just forgot abt him. Anyways I get a call from my aunty on Monday, I actually thought she was calling to gist abt M.P cos she had heard so much abt him and met him for the 1st time at her bday. Well she was calling to tell me that the man I sat across was asking for my no, I was shocked because I didn’t even notice he was interested in me plus he was there with his lady and I also with my man. I didn’t really know what to do, but somehow curiosity got the better of me and I said it was ok to give him my no. He called me later that night and went straight to the point.

Basically he met me and he felt he had to have me, yeah I thought his line was cheesy, but I kept talking to him, I was strangely drawn to this man. He wanted to have breakfast with me the next morning, so we had breakfast, it was nice talking to him and I felt really comfortable with him. That evening he wanted to see me again, I wasn’t keen but said ok and we talked more. In three days we had become really close and started talking abt the possibility of being together. M.P traveled soon after and that’s how my love affair with MAA started.

We want to be together, he claims his relationship wasn’t serious in the 1st place because the lady in question is a divorcee and mother of two, hmmmmmmmm usually I wldn’t buy into this sort of thing but I am soooo happy and in love I am ready to believe anything he says. He has proved to me that he wants to be with me, he has spoken to my grand aunty to introduce him to my parents, I have had a conversation with his mother and he plans for us to meet asap ( yeah I know men can be funny sometimes, as they will do anything to sleep with a woman including lying they love her and want to marry her). My position is that I am unhappy in my current relationship, my man wld rather watch football with his friends even when his team isn’t playing than spend time with me, he can tell me he is too tired to come and see me this min and then I call him 30mins later and he is at his friend’s hse. I’m not trying to justify why I am spending so much time with MAA, it’s just that I wasn’t bold enough to leave before. Now I think I am ready, ready to leave M.P and start a new life with MAA, I know I’m taking such a huge risk, well I’m not ready to miss a few wks, months of happiness and who knows I could end up with this man. He’s desperate to find love and settle down, he’s in love with me and wishes to go all the way. I’m tired of fighting it, spent the whole of vals day with him bonding and getting to know each other, I didn’t want to leave him when it was time to say good bye. And I think that was the day I really fell for him.

My major problem is breaking up with M.P, I’m not sure how to do it, I haven’t really spoken to him since he left town, he’s back tomorrow, actually I’m not sure but the last time we communicated he said he was arriving on thurs. I really hope he’s as fed up as I am so I don’t die of guilt, but I guess I have to do this once and for all.

I wonder if I’m going to get negative comments on this post, I’m not really expecting a pat on the back, just hoping that at least one person would understand how I feel and not berate me for it.

To My Favourite Client!!!

I just found out my favourite client died yday!!!! She was a sweet old lady, very energetic and rather fashionable for her age. I’m not sure how old she is, but I got the impression she was well into her eighties.

The first time I met her was at our office, she came to see my dad regarding putting her affairs in order. My dad introduced me to her and told her I would be handling her matter from then on. This was late 2006; by Jan 2007 I had completed the will and deposited it at the probate registry. I guess she was also very fond of my dad and I because she would always come to visit and she always gave us briefs after that.

We changed her will a second time and went through the process all over again, the second time I had become impatient with her because I could not understand why she changed her mind regarding the distribution of her estate and beneficiaries. But it was a job and I had to tolerate her regardless of my personal opinion.

The third time she came to change her will, I was really happy to see her, I hadn’t seen her in months and I guess I missed our regular client, so I was really glad to talk her through the process all over again. Infact we started gisting and she would make jokes about people she encountered in her life. She really wanted to change the will fast, unfortunately the witnesses she wanted were out of town so she said I should get it ready and she would call when they got back into town. This was in November, little did I know that would be my last time of seeing her alive. When I saw her off to her car she gave me two packs of Pringles, hey I was happy because I was hungry!!!

Last week I thought about her and I worriedly told the chambers secretary that we had not heard from Mama and I further expressed my worry that I didn’t think it was a good idea to drag the execution of her will because of her age. I guess I shouldn’t have dismissed the issue.

Earlier this week she called my dad and said he must come and see her because she was ill, he promised her he would come, but he had meetings lined up all week, so he didn’t get the chance to see her.

Today started like any ordinary day and then my dad got a phone call from Mama’s son who informed him that Mama had passed away. I broke down when my dad told me, I guess it wasn’t professional but I realized then that she was more than a client, she was like a grandmother to me. I am also very disappointed in myself that I did not go looking for her when we didn’t hear from her.

I get comfort from the fact that mama has gone to rest and be with her creator!!!!!!!!!

Sleep well Mama!!!!

May her soul rest in perfect peace.

P.s – Respect my feelings and don’t leave any silly comment, if you have nothing good to say just kindly exit the page. Thank you.

One year and still counting!!!

It turned a year this month that I started blogging, I can’t remember the exact date and I am too lazy rite now to go to my 1st post. I remember my 1st post was abt that fake born again bro that used my head (I think it was Tony I called him in that post).

A lot has happened in the one yr that I have been blogging though nothing out of the ordinary. I am still in a relationship with M.P though no issue of marriage has come up. Funny thing is so many pple who started dating after my self and M.P started are married all ready. Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining, it’s just that I sometimes wonder why I am not so freaked about marriage. For instance last night while talking to M.P I mentioned two important things I wanted to achieve in 2009 and marriage wasn’t on my list, in fact it was M.P who drew my attention to this and I quickly apologized and added marriage to the list but told him that I was more interested in a stable relationship and environment with someone I consider my best friend than to get married just for the heck of it. I do hope that I get married eventually and I hope it happens at the right time with the right person. In the beginning it was a do or die affair marrying M.P, I really fell for him, after a year my eyes have opened and I am keeping an open mind, I still love him no doubt but it is no longer a must that I marry him!!

I decided to update my blog today because I was thinking about all the blogs I used to read when I first started, I thought abt 36 inches, Desperate Lady, HIV Positive gal, Lil Miss me, the other girl who use to write about how many frogs can a girl kiss (I can’t remember the name of the blog or the url). Anyways while I was looking for some of the bloggers on 36’s blog I read some of the comments pple left on her posts, damn I had a good laugh at comments made by anons and keeping it real, I laughed so hard I started crying. That’s how they chased the poor girl from blogsville.

I really miss reading the blogs mentioned above, they were the ones that really entertained me and motivated me to start my own blog. But I am grateful for the blogs I read now and happy that you guys keep blogging, if not for you guys i probably would have lost my mind or died of boredom.

I am happy for the friends I made in the last yr and happy that God revealed the true colours of some of my so called close friends. I believe that my state of mind has improved since I started blogging, it’s been very therapeutic and I am glad I started.

Basically what I am trying to say is this girl is here to stay, I may take the occasional short brks which I think is allowed.

I don’t know how to end this post, I just want to keep ranting but I’m bored already and I’m sure you guys are as well. So until my next post stay blessed and be good.

By the way, my hair has grown a bit, it probably would have grown more if not for the partial alopecia I was already suffering b4 the sad incident. See pic above.